Episcopal Diocese of Albany - Christian Education

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A Letter of Response to the Article on Abstinence from Fr. Charles King.

Fr. King makes some excellent points about the language used, and the focus on Christ that needs to be crystallized in any curriculum about abstinence. I encourage those of you who are interested in the topic to read Fr. King’s letter. -Deacon Laurie Garramone-Rohr

Dear Laurie,

I must confess that I seldom read lengthy articles in The Albany Episcopalian. Often they relate things that I have read or seen elsewhere. I did read, however, your article in the latest issue. Abstinence Education is something about which I am greatly concerned and something which I believe that the Church does poorly, if at all. In the hope of moving towards a good program that is used, I offer the following comments:

1. I have a problem with your use of the word "purity" or, at least, in the way that you seem to be using it. You seem to be equating purity with virginity and suggesting that you lose it, somehow, when you engage in sexual intercourse even within marriage. Stated this way, this is, obviously, false. This impression is heightened by your suggestion that widows need to regain their purity.

Rather than seeming to equate purity with virginity, should we not be equating it with chastity? We promise at our Baptisms to be chaste and we struggle with that promise throughout our lives. Chastity is, after all, the right use of our God-given sexuality. Not only does this mean abstinence outside of marriage it also means a certain limitation, if you will, on our sexuality within marriage.

This limitation certainly applies to some sorts of sexual activity, some motivations for sexual activity, and, uncomfortably for some, a realization that the use of artificial contraceptives diminishes our ability to work within God's plan for our sexuality. On the other hand, our marital chastity encourages, perhaps requires, a joyful exploration of our sexuality with our spouse as a means of expressing our love one for the other.

I would, therefore, strongly suggest that the word should be chastity and that both the single and marital components be stressed. As I often tell my pre-marital couples, "The problem is not that we think too much about sex. The problem is that we think too little of it. We do not value it highly enough." I should think that every student should come away with that sense.

2. I would strongly disagree with your same gender teacher rule. I believe that, for this sort of teaching to be grounded in the real world as well as in Scripture, the course must be taught by married couples (or, perhaps, mature engaged couples). It is vitally important, I believe, that young men and young women hear the same message in the same words and that they hear it from both men and women.

I should think that the last thing that we, as Christians would want, is to relegate sexuality to two separate sets of data handed down in parallel but separate traditions. Admittedly, this might limit the "foam princess crowns", but there are many ways to have a good time that are shared by both sexes and should be shared in a course such as this. Part of the material should include the understanding that it is a good thing to marry and have children and, dare I say it, to do so while you are yet young. Thus, a good course will be fun but the fun will be of the sort that a man and woman might chastely share in their courtship.

3. Finally, I am always perturbed when the Church decides to base its arguments on the current state of scientific knowledge. I am referring to your discussion of the reasons for abstinence. To cite STD 's, AIDS, etc. in passing is certainly worthwhile, but in a generation, these may be as little a concern as the fear of pregnancy is now. Science may well bring us to the point where a pill a day or a "simple procedure" will solve that problem. The difficulty, as I see it, is using these things as reasons to be chaste.

Even the concept of being able to present yourself as a chaste bride or groom is probably of little use if it is based on the reaction of your intended. Do most men really want to marriage a virgin. If so, it is amazing that so many still get married!

My point simply is this: There are two and only two good reasons for chastity. The first being that it honors God who created you and the second that it honors you who are God's creation. All else is commentary. Unfortunately, the Church has married the age in this area as well as in others. As a result, we find ourselves destitute with no means of support for our position as society moves on.

Please keep teaching chastity. Please encourage others to do so. Your work within the Diocese is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Charles+

The Rev. Canon Charles B. King, Jr., SSC
377 Reynolds Road
Ft. Edward, NY 12828,

Upholding the Faith and Order of the Undivided Church

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